I just pynch a tree in the face
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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