smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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