drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
