Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
