Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
