when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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