I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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