I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
