Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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