This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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