I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
