Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize