So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
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white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
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Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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