I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
