Your mouth is God's brothel.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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