That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
