How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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