Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
