It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
