you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Houston, we have a blender
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
