We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
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The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
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I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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