i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
