i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
