i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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