toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
