I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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