absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
