Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
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Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
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Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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