So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
