Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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