you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
