I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
