He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
