I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you didnt know i had herpes?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
