i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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