It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
