Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
