Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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