She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
