I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My cat gives me a boner
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
