somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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