So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
