I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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