Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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