Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
