I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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