Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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