Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
