You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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