If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
