you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
