You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
