Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
