Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
