I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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