When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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