TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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