True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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