Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
