Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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