I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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