No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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