So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
