what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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