fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
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Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Pants are for mortals
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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