Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
