WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
