dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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