You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
