That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
