New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
