Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
