This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
