Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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