Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
