Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
