If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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