I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
