I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
