hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
