Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
