oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
