Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
