i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
