my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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