dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
