its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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