remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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