Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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