have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
