awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
