paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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