No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
