im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
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My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
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I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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