My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just want nice things and good sex
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
