i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
